Bittersweet

As a new mom, if there's one thing I've learned it's that your child will rarely do things the way you expect. You pretty much get that memo the first time they poop mid-newborn-diaper-change and you wonder HOW something so small can shoot poop like that??What you expected? Not so much.

I expected that after happily breastfeeding for 9 months, Josie would happily continue until I decided to wean her. I expected there to be an epic battle at that time as well. Tears would be shed by both of us. There would be sleepless nights. Wailing and gnashing of teeth and all that.

Then somewhere around the 10 month mark, she seemed to lose interest in nursing. I thought it was a phase. Teething. Distractions. I tried all the tricks to get her interested again and none of them worked. She would literally push the breast away and scream, or worse, BITE ME. Yeah, that wasn't cool. Not cool at all. I kept trying though. "They" all say a baby won't self-wean before a year. "They" also said I should go topless and bra-less around my house all day so she could nurse "here and there, whenever she felt like it". Um, no. I have windows and neighbors. And frankly, that just made me feel like Bessie the old milk cow with her udders just flopping in the breeze, available for milking whenever and wherever. I've decided to stop listening to the mysterious, all-knowing "they" that populates the internet and especially likes to give advice on parenting.

So, quietly and with no fuss (at least not from Josie - her mom is another story) Josie has weaned from breastfeeding almost completely now at 11 months. I'm thankful it was so painless, but it's bittersweet all the same. An era of our mommy-daughter relationship has come to an end. A really cool thing my body was able to do - providing nourishment for a whole other person - is ending too. I'm losing my membership to the exclusive boob juice club. It's no longer even marginally acceptable for me to whip out a boob in public. But mostly... My baby isn't quite so much a baby anymore! Already she doesn't need me quite as much! How did this happen?

I'm not quite sure how days can pass so slowly, and yet the months and years just seem to fly right by. It's one of the great mysteries of life, one way too deep for me to ever grasp.

The next surprise Josie had in store for me? A milk allergy! Her pediatrician said she could have regular whole milk instead of formula, so we tried it. She didn't hate it like I was afraid she would. Unfortunately, her little body didn't feel the same way about it. She broke out in a rash on her face and puked it back up about 10 minutes later. A second attempt, just to make sure the first time wasn't a fluke, garnered the same results. So while I expected to be buying a gallon of whole milk for a couple bucks a week,  instead I'm buying goat's milk by the quart at $3.50 a pop. Yeee-ouch. The other alternative was soy milk, but apparently that will cause her to grow boobs when she's three or something (according to "them" again), so we're going with the milk from the golden goat's teat. (At that price, it's gotta be golden, right??)

As for me? My boobs are my own again, but already I miss that special, quiet, connected time during nursing. Another reminder to live in the moment and cherish every single one as they pass.