Last night, I left my clingy little girl with her daddy for a few hours and got the heck outta Dodge. Leaving my house alone is now an art form in and of itself. She sees me pick up my purse and she knows something's up. She immediately makes a beeline for me. I don't want to just disappear on her, so I pick her up and kiss her goodbye and tell her I'll be back later. Then I pry her surprisingly strong little fingers from my shirt/hair/face and make myself just GO. It's like ripping off a band-aid - you've just got to do it and do it quick or it's a whole lot worse. That's what I tell myself anyway.
After that painful bit was over, I spent over an hour sitting in traffic on the highway trying to get down to the Museum Center for the Cleopatra exhibit. I hate being late for anything and I developed a strong urge to pee about halfway there, so I was kinda stressed by the time I hoofed (and huffed) it up that big old hill from the parking lot into Union Terminal. Luckily for me, only one other mom had made it there before me (and the bathrooms were fairly close to the entrance - whew!)
The rest of the night was up from there. The exhibit was really interesting. Seeing artifacts that are literally thousands of years old just lights up this history nerd's world. The huge seventeen foot statues gave me chills. And it was fun to laugh like schoolgirls with my mommy book club friends over the fact that Cleopatra married her 3 year old son and then cheated on him with Marc Antony. Twisted! Tee hee!
After the exhibit, I had pangs of guilt and almost didn't go to dinner because if I left right then, I could get home on time to put the Bean to bed. I thought about it really hard, then decided it's important for her to learn to do these things with her daddy. Plus, I really wanted to go for totally non-Egyptian burritos with my friends. And I deserved it. Repeated until I believed it (mostly).
I'm really glad I went. Hothead Burritos are pretty good, although I think my burrito heart still belongs to Chipotle. More importantly, I got to spend more time with some really cool ladies. I got to laugh and talk about adorable and frustrating moments with people who really understand and laugh some more. I think I made a college kid who sat behind us blush with my choice of conversation topic at one point. It was a good time. And they have queso dip, quite possibly my favorite food.
On the way home, I got a little bit lost. That's what I get for thinking I know better than the GPS, I guess (you rarely, rarely do, FYI - they've got satellites and tech-y spac-y super-spy-y stuff on their side). Anyway. The drive home was good, quiet, thoughtful time for me. I went through my usual post-social-event panicky moments, wondering if I talked too much, if I said stupid things, if in general I looked/acted/sounded like the socially-challenged person I really am, but am trying not to be forever and ever. In this case especially, I even wondered if I was standing inadvertently in that special acoustic spot in Union Terminal, where what you say, even if you whisper, can be heard across that huge rotunda. If I was, ALLLL those people might have heard me make a fool of myself. Yeah, this really is how my brain works.
I got over the panic. I had fun and I decided to let it just be what it was - a good experience - without trying to dissect it and analyze it. I can't wait for next month's book club meeting, and my next Mom's Night Out. I was kind of glad Josie woke up soon after I got home though, so I could tuck her back in and give her a kiss. I missed that little booger.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Clingy McClingerson
The other day, I was reading while Josie played in the living room (aka toy pit/only completely childproofed room in the house). Next thing I know, I feel her pull herself up on my leg. I look down just as she hugs my leg and says, "Mama" in her sweet little voice. I swear, you'd have to be pure evil if that wouldn't just melt your heart like butter. I picked her up and cuddled her until she squirmed and gave me a glimpse of what the years to come will surely bring - a time when being cuddled by Mama isn't top of her list for ways to pass her time. Times when she's too busy, or too "grown up", or too busy hating my guts and slamming doors and breaking my heart.
Being Josie's number one absolute favorite person in the universe/BFF, as I can proudly claim to be these days, has its drawbacks, sure. It's really difficult to get much done with a Velcro almost-toddler attached to some part of you. The whining and clinging can be trying on the patience to say the least, and sometimes when she goes to bed I sigh with relief just to have my own personal space bubble back for a few hours. Even the people she loves the most other than me - her daddy and grandparents - aren't satisfactory substitutes if I'm around. It's hard. It's exhausting, actually, and some days I just don't feel up to it. Who knew being adored was so difficult??
On the other hand though, it's awesome. Her face absolutely lights up whenever she sees me, even if I've been gone 30 seconds. She does this adorable super-fast crawl across the room to reach me, then headbutts my calves by way of greeting before climbing up into my arms. Her little hands (she's still so little, even if she's growing up!) cling to my shirt and she buries her face in my neck and in those moments all is perfectly and totally right with the world. Even if sometimes I swear she only wanted to wipe her nose on me - I'll take it.
I'll take all of it. Someday she won't need me anymore - and I'll try to remember that all my hard work raising her is to get her to just that place of not needing me. Hopefully all that independence won't come too soon. And hopefully even if she doesn't need me anymore, she'll still want old Mom around.
Being Josie's number one absolute favorite person in the universe/BFF, as I can proudly claim to be these days, has its drawbacks, sure. It's really difficult to get much done with a Velcro almost-toddler attached to some part of you. The whining and clinging can be trying on the patience to say the least, and sometimes when she goes to bed I sigh with relief just to have my own personal space bubble back for a few hours. Even the people she loves the most other than me - her daddy and grandparents - aren't satisfactory substitutes if I'm around. It's hard. It's exhausting, actually, and some days I just don't feel up to it. Who knew being adored was so difficult??
On the other hand though, it's awesome. Her face absolutely lights up whenever she sees me, even if I've been gone 30 seconds. She does this adorable super-fast crawl across the room to reach me, then headbutts my calves by way of greeting before climbing up into my arms. Her little hands (she's still so little, even if she's growing up!) cling to my shirt and she buries her face in my neck and in those moments all is perfectly and totally right with the world. Even if sometimes I swear she only wanted to wipe her nose on me - I'll take it.
I'll take all of it. Someday she won't need me anymore - and I'll try to remember that all my hard work raising her is to get her to just that place of not needing me. Hopefully all that independence won't come too soon. And hopefully even if she doesn't need me anymore, she'll still want old Mom around.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
One
How can so many long days go by so quickly?
On the 23rd of March, Josie turned a year old. Everything I can say about how I'm feeling sounds like a sappy cliche', so I'm not even going to try.
Her party was so perfect. Josie has so many people who love her and came to celebrate her first year with us. When everyone started singing Happy Birthday to her, I got all weepy not just because my little girl is growing up, but because she is blessed with so many people who love her. We may not be able to give her all the material things we wish we could, but we are surrounding her with some really amazing people. I know she will be loved and encouraged, and will learn so much from all of you wonderful folks!
As if some little biological alarm clock went off in her brain, the week after her birthday was filled with new achievements for our little Bean. She went from crawling to cruising, and suddenly she has a whole vocabulary. She says Mama (finally!) instead of mamamamama and Daddy instead of dadadada. She also says doggy, kitty cat (of course - she IS my kid!), Puppy (her stuffed dog), yes, this, that, Brice (her cousin), Pop (Geoff's dad/her grandpa), hi, bye. Oh, and she sings E-I-E-I-O whenever she hears Old McDonald - though most of the time she leaves off the O and just repeats E-I-E-I over and over. She can point to her head and her nose and her feet - and can say head too. I'm babbling now - but I'm just so proud of everything she's learning. Sappy but true, she amazes me every single day.
So, her first year is behind us, and we're on to year two. I can't imagine loving her more, and yet everyday somehow I do. I can't wait to see who she becomes and what she does with her life - but I'm trying my best to enjoy every moment along the way. Even the longest of the long days.
On the 23rd of March, Josie turned a year old. Everything I can say about how I'm feeling sounds like a sappy cliche', so I'm not even going to try.
Her party was so perfect. Josie has so many people who love her and came to celebrate her first year with us. When everyone started singing Happy Birthday to her, I got all weepy not just because my little girl is growing up, but because she is blessed with so many people who love her. We may not be able to give her all the material things we wish we could, but we are surrounding her with some really amazing people. I know she will be loved and encouraged, and will learn so much from all of you wonderful folks!
As if some little biological alarm clock went off in her brain, the week after her birthday was filled with new achievements for our little Bean. She went from crawling to cruising, and suddenly she has a whole vocabulary. She says Mama (finally!) instead of mamamamama and Daddy instead of dadadada. She also says doggy, kitty cat (of course - she IS my kid!), Puppy (her stuffed dog), yes, this, that, Brice (her cousin), Pop (Geoff's dad/her grandpa), hi, bye. Oh, and she sings E-I-E-I-O whenever she hears Old McDonald - though most of the time she leaves off the O and just repeats E-I-E-I over and over. She can point to her head and her nose and her feet - and can say head too. I'm babbling now - but I'm just so proud of everything she's learning. Sappy but true, she amazes me every single day.
So, her first year is behind us, and we're on to year two. I can't imagine loving her more, and yet everyday somehow I do. I can't wait to see who she becomes and what she does with her life - but I'm trying my best to enjoy every moment along the way. Even the longest of the long days.
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